Hi, Folks, I thought it would be a good idea to give you all an update on what has been happening. This isn’t terribly professional, but, I think it needs to be said.
My daughter is an abusive parent to two beautiful children. She doesn’t beat them, per se, but, slaps, uses a belt and says the most awful things to them. They’re 6 and 11. She tells them she hates them, that she is going to send them away or just take them somewhere and drop them off, and/or that she is just going to leave. The 11-year-old had a melt down last year and spent 5 days in a mental ward. Now, he is on Prozac and some medication for ADHD, which I KNOW he doesn’t have. The six-year-old is so starved for her mother’s attention, she literally follows her like a little puppy. They both tip-toe around their mother. She will lock her bedroom door and either nap or chat on Facebook. The children would come to me, so, it became up to me to see to their needs. If I went and got her up, she would be so hateful to the children and me, it just wasn’t worth it. I’d just do for them myself. I pretty much had them to myself for nearly a year.
All this time, I have been trying to protect the children, to stop my daughter from going too far and to give those children as much love and acceptance as I possibly could. After the boy’s meltdown last year, the Dept. of Children and Families got involved. My daughter, they felt, just needed better coping skills than she had, as she was obviously under stress. So, for several months, my daughter and the children went to therapy – her, by herself, and her, with one or both of the children. There was also a therapist who came to the house once a week and tried to help my daughter with her skills. That pretty much ended and I see no change what so ever.
About a month ago, my daughter was stressing real bad and mentioned to me twice that she wished she was dead, how she wished something would just kill her! I figured that was just talk. But, then, the little one came into my room and told me her mommy said she was going to wait until we all went to bed then she was going to kill herself. I just couldn’t let that go! I was scared! So, I called my other daughter to see if she thought I was right or what and it scared her, too. So, we called 911.
I don’t know what she thought, perhaps, maybe, that I was trying to have her arrested or something. I don’t know. But, she was hostile to me! The officers told me she wasn’t exhibiting the ‘right’ behavior for them to take her for help. She must have really gone off about me to this one cop, because, I heard him tell her maybe we just needed a break from each other for a while. As soon as they left, she packed up the children and moved out! He came back a few days later to bring the children some ‘badges’ and was surprised she moved out. I told him now I had no way of protecting the children at all. He was going to try to go see her, I am pretty sure she is at this one friend’s house. I don’t know if he did or not.
I haven’t seen the children for over a month. Oh, she has stopped by here and there to grab stuff and get her mail and I have seen them for a few minutes. But, it is awkward. It’s obvious she has said something to the children because they are very distant with me. I can get a hug and an ‘I love you’ out of them, but, that’s about it. I am absolutely crushed and I am worried sick! I have a folder full of things I’ve made, but, I can’t pull it together enough to get it out to you all. I’ve pulled back from nearly everything I did online as it is so hard! I see all these posts of pretty layouts with happy, little families decorating the Christmas tree and I lose it. I’m very emotional anyway, so this has just devastated me. I’ve lost even more weight. Like, a not very healthy 113 pounds! I haven’t weighed that since I was 13! I don’t know what to do. I’ve sent her messages that I would like to see the children, but, get no response. Nothing.
The reason I felt like posting this is for any one else who has ever had anything like this happen to them. Or, perhaps, they wondered about someone. In a gazillion years, I would never have thought anyone in my family would ever be like this. But, here I am. There are other family members, like my son and other daughter, as well as a niece of mine, who are willing and ready to take the children, but, my daughter isn’t having any of that. Even the little one’s father is ready to come get his daughter. But, when it comes down to him coming from S. Carolina, where he currently lives, she changes her mind and tells him he isn’t getting her.
This little one is having an awful time at school. She doesn’t listen and she doesn’t cooperate. She has been suspended 3 or 4 times so far and she is only in first grade. Her next stop, I’m afraid, is a school for ‘bad’ children. She isn’t a bad child at all! She is brilliant, but, all of that is going to waste since she can’t get the one thing she so desperately wants and needs – her mommy’s love and attention. The boy, the older of the two, has built up a wall and hides behind it from her. That, and the meds she has had him put on are numbing him to it all. He is scared to death of his mother. He told me once he was afraid his mommy would do to him what she does to his little sister, like sending her to her dad. (She sent the girl away for the entire summer this year!) It wasn’t two days later that she threatened to send him to his father. He was totally freaked out!
I don’t know what to do! My mind is constantly on those children and if they are alright. I putter around in Photoshop to get my mind off things – it’s great for that. But, even that comes to an end. I’ve had nightmares and didn’t know the human body could produce this many tears! I feel like the ‘system’ has let us down. Then, I saw an episode of some ‘detective’ show about a woman who hated her ex-husband so bad, she got visitation and killed the child. She had lost custody, but, somehow got visitation. Her revenge was at her ex, but, the child paid for it. My daughter is completely pissed with the little girl’s father as he chose to move away instead of being with her, my daughter. (The child is the result of a one night stand – honestly!) In fact, the poor treatment really started after he left. It’s like she wants to get back at him by treating the child poorly. She isn’t as hard on the boy, but, then, she sees his father whenever she wants. It’s not romantic, just friends. Neither father is paying their court ordered child support, but, the boy’s father, who lives here, will give my daughter money any time she needs it and he buys the boy school clothes and shoes and such. My daughter’s attitude between the two children is very different!
My family thinks my daughter is mentally sick and she may very well be. But, how do you get someone to do anything?! What do you do? If anyone has any suggestions, I’m open!
I just hope and pray that the children are okay. They deserve happiness.
So, that is what has been happening. As I say, it isn’t very professional, in fact, kind of tacky, to ‘air my dirty laundry’ here. But, some of ya’ll, I consider friends. It just seems so odd to share any of this with people online. But, maybe, someone will realize a situation they are in. Maybe this will help them to, at least, share their fears and/or experiences. It’s so hard! I wouldn’t even mention it AT ALL before DCF got involved as I was afraid someone might call them. Once they got involved, then, it became a matter of deep embarrassment. ”Hi, there, my name is Susan and my daughter is a child abuser.” Maybe there’s a support group or something?
Be happy, my friends. Hug your babies, your children, even your grown up children. Let them know they are loved and important to you! Tell them this often! This isn’t going to be a very good Christmas, but, I will celebrate it. I have other children and loved ones, so, I’m not alone. Just worried sick! Thanks for ‘listening’ if you did read through this. It really does me good to get it out.
I promise I will get my new goodies posted for ya’ll! I just have to get it together.
Happy Holidays to Each of You and Your Loved Ones!