HOPE

(Note: I started this post on the 5th of September, last Saturday. It took me a bit to finish, but, here it is.)

So, it’s Saturday afternoon. It’s sunny, here, in Florida, but, not hot. Today is a bit different. My daughter and I both noticed that we can smell fall in the air. We can hear it, too. It’s a long-ways-off sound from distant trucks and other urban noise. It may have something to do with the Florida Gators, our hometown football team, opening their season tonight. There’s always a bit of a buzz around this town on game days. I love being a fan, especially, since the Gators have a spot for the SEC Championship award slotted on their office wall – permanently. LOL They’ve won back-to-back titles AND the basketball championship, all at, or around, the same time. We’re spoiled! LOL

See! Even the “big guy” upstairs gets in to the act on game day! LOL


I do believe that my last surgical procedure was in vain. What I thought was going to be a much-needed reprieve from pain, for a little while, is just not to be. Doc doubled my med dose – duh-oh! LOL And, he is sending me to a specialist this week. I don’t know what will happen. I haven’t cried so much in years. I am not that old. Yet, I can’t do anything! What is troubling me the most is that it feels like my body “speed” dropped down to ‘turtle mode’, or something. I couldn’t hurry if I had to! I don’t know what it is. It’s like each and every movement I make, I have to gauge myself so much more that it takes me forever to do anything. What is up with that!?? I can understand people slow down, but, this has come about in the past couple of months.

I guess what is really bothering me is that I thought I had accepted my turn in life. I have spent plenty of time on my spirituality and coming to know myself. Every step of the way has been pure bliss. Things flowed so smoothly for me for such a long time. Then, this back trouble stirred up again. I had been managing to get by with very few medications. Instead, I have learned meditation, relaxation, anything and everything I could, in order to carry on with my life in as much comfort as possible. I had accepted my plight and that I may, one day, lose my ability to get around as well.

I don’t know what happened. I’m sure not handling it very well, here, lately.

UPDATE:
Since I started this post, I paid my visit to the new doc. This dude thinks there is something else going on besides those chards. He seems to think the place between my hip bone and my tail bone, the sacro-iliac, has issues. This is the area:


This is the FIRST time a doctor has zeroed in on the spot that has caused me so much pain! He knew right where to press on my backside. I’ve had neurological tests and every ‘scan’ there is. They have been hitting close to the area and easing some of the discomfort. But, never has the exact spot been identified. Praise be to Dr. Tom! NOW, maybe we can get somewhere. I hope.

When I get so bogged under with pain, I tend to be forgetful. Who wouldn’t? The main thing I forgot, this trip, was to cope. My ways of coping are, generally, meeting life head-on. No sense in hiding from it – it will find you. I normally shield myself from any negativity and I’m quite good at it. It just got the best of me, this time. I owe a multitude of THANKS to my friend, Snowraven, and the other good ladies at MagickalScraps. Snowy reminded me that there is always ‘hope’. I never really thought about it before, but, having hope takes me out of the moment in which
I feel stuck. Like a dose of ‘good medicine’, hope can take the futility out of a situation like nothing else. It is so simple, why has it been so elusive? LOL So, THANKS be to Snowy AND Pandora.

Finally, I have a kit to share. I did this one for the September Colour Challenge at MagickalScraps. Rather than giving us a colour palette, Snowy asked that we choose our own colours, but, one each of the four primary colours, red, blue, green and red, and one brown. The colours could be light or pastelle, or dark. Then, we were to use the colour palette in a kit with a late summer theme. First, a little ‘back story’ on my inspiration for this kit.

This time of the year, late summer, reminds me of summer afternoons, in the country, as a young hippie chick. LOL The old farmhouse we would hang out at was a friend’s family’s, but, they used it only occasionally. So, we took up residence, almost, every summer. As the days wore on, we sought respite from the sweltering Florida heat. The Santa Fe river was only a mile away. We’d load up in the van and go for cool swims in the springs, there, on the river, known as Rum Island. (Years ago, a hidden island, inset from springs area was a hide out for rum being brought up the network of inland rivers from the Gulf of Mexico.) Once in a while we would go over to the beach and camp out in the dunes. Somebody always had a guitar, there was usually plenty of ‘herbals’ and I had my bottle of Strawberry Farm. LOL We were never at a loss for something to do to cool off. A watermelon was just a hop over the fence. I miss those days.

Without further adieu, “Late Summer at the Farm”.
(Click on each image to go to 4Shared for that download)

Elements

Papers
Thank you for your interest!

Have a hearty and rewarding Mabon.



Su

Photobucket

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8 thoughts on “HOPE

  1. Hi Su – sorry to hear you are still in so much pain, but you have found hope and I hope this doc will be able to help you now. As for Football,lol- I'm waiting for Monday night- the Patriots will be playing,lol. Go Pats !!!!!I'll be ubsolutely tired in the morning, due to the time difference it won't start until 1am here, but I wouldn't miss it for the world.Friends here say I'm mad,lol. Hey -I'm learning and adjusting for the time when I move over.I even got used to doing temperatures in Fahrenheit instead of Celsius now.You take care , Su -and as always love and light to you-Hugs Snowy

  2. Sorry to hear of your pain. I can honestly say I know how you feel. I had back pain off and on since I was 18. I am now 38. Five years ago (almost exactly to this date), I had the straw that broke the camels back, and ended up hurting myself (by doing nothing) so that I have been unable to work ever since. Having 3 children (two of them back to back – one in June 2003 and the other in June 2004 was too much for my back) With 2 herniated discs, I was out for the count, Surprisingly it was not the disc pain that caused me the most problems, but leg pain. Over the past 20 years with the discs slipping in and out, I damaged my siatic nerve and it is now sending pain signals to the brain constantly. After taking every possible drug out there, seeing every specialist there was, going to therapy, and popping narcotics like smarties, I have finally had a surgery that helped with the majority of the pain and I am now down to a fraction of what I use to take. In January of this year (2009), I had a “Spinal Cord Stimulator” placed in my back with an internal battery pack in my stomache. The cord goes from my spine to the battery, and the battery charges through my skin. The “wire” on my spine has 8 metal leads on it, which send a small electrical charge to block the signals of pain from reaching the brain. You stay awake during the surgery and they freeze you to make sure they are placing the device where it needs to be. When turned on (which I have it on 24/7) all I feel is a slight tingle in my leg (simular to a “t.e.n.s.” machine from physiotherapy). If this is the type of pain you are having, I would recomend this surgery to you. If you want some more information, please feel free to email me at grcicfamily@hotmail.com and I can pass this info along to you. I live in Nova Scotia, Canada. I am not sure exactly where you live, or if this is available in you area, but it never hurts to find out. Recovery time is less than a week (actually 1 day in the hospital, and a week to get the stitches out). You start to feel better almost right away. The hardest thing was to start to cut back on the meds that you become adicted to. In the meantime, I hope that you are feeling better and have more good days than bad. I am finally getting my life back, and would not wish this pain on anyone. Good luck with your future treatmentSelena Grcicgrcicfamily@hotmail.comFall RiverNova Scotia Canada

  3. Hi Su,Sorry to hear that you haven't been handling the pain as well as you usually do. I find that I'm walking a tightrope most of the time and it doesn't take much to knock me off. So pleased though that you have found a knowledgeable doctor who is listening to you. It makes such a difference doesn't it.Just a word of warning though regarding the spinal cord stimulator. This was an option given to me by my pain specialist but after researching and talking to others who have had it done I decided against it. Even though there are some success stories I have heard of some not so good outcomes … batteries in the unit leaking … serious infections at the site of where the leads are inserted …At the 3 week pain management programme I attended there were a couple who had tried this without success – it was actually after talking to them that I decided against having it done. Thank you so much for sharing this kit. I have been able to download the elements but unfortunately I am getting a message from 4shared that the site has been hacked…http://www.abcjardins.com/Hacked//file/131717365/72a274e5/……………so hoping that it is fixed soon.Hugs to you. Keryn

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