t099997Nearly one year ago, my youngest daughter, Sarah, and her two children, Nicky and Jaela, came to live with me. It wasn’t because she, nor I, weren’t cutting it on our own. She owned her own home. But, she was here every afternoon. We would make dinner together. It helped her after working all day and it ascertained that I ate a decent meal each day. Living on my own I didn’t always eat right.
My home is the same small 3 bedroom clapboard house my children grew up in. So, the two little ones shared one room and my daughter had her own, old room. My rooms are off the other end of the house – a bedroom and bath, accessible through the kitchen, then, an huge, but crammed, laundry/utility room. It was tight, but, not as tight as her little home, yet, another reason for them moving in. That is how we have lived this past year.
After I raised my three children to adulthood, I became disabled. I found myself on my own, with a lot of time. This is when I got a pc and did my spiritual research and got into Photoshop and srapbooking. Always the avid learner, I relished the role I had found myself in. Aside from the misery often experienced with my disability, I felt my life was mine. It was the time most parents often think about. Oh, we’ll always be involved in our children’s lives, but, there is a deep sense of satisfaction and pride in seeing your child off into the great wide open on their own. If you’ve given them the tools they need for survival, you don’t have anything to worry about. Yes, there are crisis and the ‘situations’, but, there will always be some craziness going on and we always make it through!
Needless to say, upon the arrival of my daughter’s little family, issues began springing up. I didn’t want Sarah to take advantage of me. I had raised my family. Been there; done that! (No, I didn’t buy the t-shirt. LOL) Also, due to my back problems and some mental issues, there were many times I had to slip away to my rooms. Children are children! But, I just didn’t have what it took to tolerate children all the time anymore.
So I thought until Sarah told me she was moving into a new place a friend agreed to sell her. At the same time, I am seeing how overwhelmed being a single mom is for my girl. It’s hard on everyone. I’m not making excuses. But, she has a particularly tough time sometimes. Because of this, I had began doing more for the children so Sarah could deal with the rest. I have even kept the children for her so she could get away for a few days. It’s like, now that she is moving, I am realizing that I still love caring for my family, especially children.
The other night after they all came home, Jaela wanted to play in the pool. Sarah had to cook dinner for them. (She takes care of her children; I take care of me, but, help her some of the time) So, I took over the dinner so Sarah could be outside with Jaela in the pool. The window over the kitchen sink looks out into the garden where the pool sets. Its one of those above the ground one-piece pools. You just start filling it with water and it takes on it’s shape as it fills. It’s about 3 feet deep and 8 feet across.
So, there I was, standing at the kitchen window, watching my daughter playing around with her own little girl. Nicky was on the pc, a child’s game website, carrying on his very first online “friend” conversation on the site’s chats. He was flirting with some girls. He’s almost 8! LOL I’m digging on all this domestic bliss and I felt happier than I had in eons!
All my fighting it to have ‘time for me’, all the struggling over how much to do and not to do, all the craziness, they’re all moot points, now. I love my little family and I want to be a contributing factor in their upbringing and happiness. They’ll be moving soon. It isn’t far and they’ll still be here most days after work. This is no put-down for my daughter, but, my age and experience has allowed me a different kind of relationship with the children. I get to be in on the fun stuff, while she takes care of all the menial stuff. I get to enjoy them, while she has to ‘sweat’ them. Turns out, this is really hurting Sarah. She needs my help and she finally sat me down and asked me for it. So shall I give it. The children are the one’s that are important, so, I shall do whatever it takes to be sure they are safe, stable and happy.
I’m still going to be broken-hearted when they go.
Thanks for enduring my babbling. I’m
It’s kind of like experiencing child-rearing all over again, except, this time around I have an apprentice. LOL Sarah.
Having the children around all the time this past year has shown me how patient I have become. I have been the
Spring cleansing was the agenda for today. This place had become uber-messy! The children, especially Jaela, drag things out to play with, then leave them. Man-oh-man she sided with the chi